Five Stages of Grief

Five Stages of Grief (for any terrible event, concept from E.K. Ross)

Stage 1: Denial/Disbelief, That couldn’t have happened. 

Stage 2: Anger/Guilt. I’ll make that person pay. Why me?

Stage 3: Bargaining. If I do something, can I get something? 

Stage 4: Depression. I don’t know what to do. I just want to cry.

Stage 5: Acceptance/Resolution. Yes, it really happened. Now what am I going to do?

When people experience a terrible event, these are the five stages that they need to go through. If you donít know realize that there are seven stages, you can get stuck in one of them. When you get stuck in a stage, then you donít really move on with your life. Your life gets put on pause. It is in stage 5 that you move into the present, and can step into the future.

Each stage is like a solid wall. At first, there doesn’t seem to be a way through it, But eventually you see a door that is closed. You cannot see what is on the other side of a door, until you open it. When you open it, you enter another room, apparently without any other exit. There is another door, but you don’t see it. You only see the room you are in, and those rooms you may have already come through. When you walk backwards, into earlier rooms, you relapse into earlier stages. It isn’t until you find the closed door, and open it, that you are able to move on. 

The more terrible the event, the more difficult it will be to see the closed doors. The longer you stay in a room, the more you get use to living in it. Many people get a certain comfort in an earlier room, and decide to not move on.

Many people in the anger stage will not look for the closed door, but will choose a more violent solution. In their rage, they will pound on the wall with their fists, or use guns and bombs to destroy the wall. Afterwards, they will still be in stage 1 or 2, denying that they did anything wrong, or saying that the other party deserved it. The stronger the bully or military power, the more likely fighting will be used as a solution. When people use war as the solution, war can easily lead to genocide.

The purpose of this information is to let everyone realize that there are seven stages, and that for your own good, as well as the good of others, we all need to move through each one. There is a light at the end of any dark tunnel, and you just need to keep working through each stage (see Perseverance).